Help

Hey it’s me posting again. Should I get my own blog? Yes. Will anyone read it? No. Also, I’m too lazy to make my own, so I’m going to continue using seb’s.

So I took a look at myself, and realized that deep down, what I really want to do is help other people. That is who I am, that is what I want to do. There’s a kind of satisfaction after helping someone else, knowing that the world is a slightly better place because of that one act of kindness.

I think this is what has been driving me all these years. I am not, and never used to be, a very exuberant, or even happy, person but I still trudged on through life and school. Somewhere along the way I think I developed the mindset that if my life sucked, I might as well help make other people’s lives better, so that my life isn’t wasted. Since I was young, my parents pushed me to be a doctor, and I realize that’s what I want to be. It’s the profession where I can help people every day, where I can make people’s lives better, and even save lives sometimes.

This drive to help others… It’s not simply that I want to help people. I NEED someone to need me. I need someone to look at me as the person they can trust, the person they can turn to, the person they can talk to when they’re depressed or sad, the person they can share their triumphs, their sorrows, their life with. I thought I found that person… but apparently not. Being alone sucks. Right now, I feel as if without a purpose. Yes, I still have the plan of studying medicine and becoming a doctor sometimes in the future… but on a personal/emotional level, I feel useless. No one truly needs me. No one depends on me. No one at all.

-Gman

~ by GMAN on 15 April 2009.